Ok, so I haven't written a blog post in say....2 years? Likely longer I'm sure. Basically I have finally graduated, moved out of my parents, moved back in with my parents, decided to get a divorce, met some amazing people, started my career as a nurse, and learned an infinite wealth of knowledge since my last post. Whew, a lot of info going on there but all of it pertinent. I don't know why I even feel the need to update this damn thing except that sometimes it just feels good to get my thoughts out of my head and on to "paper". Since I know I have virtually zero readers, that makes for a good place to share some thoughts that I don't really care if anyone ever sees.
With all of that being said I guess I should start from the beginning. Graduation was amazing and I was super excited to begin my awesome new career as a Registered Nurse! Little did I know that what all of my coworkers had tried to tell me for years was actually the truth. The first year of nursing is an absolute nightmare. Especially if you work on a busy cardiac telemetry floor on day shift. Damn near impossible feat for a new grad. So after about 5 months toughing it out on days, I decided I either had to swap to nights or find something else to do with my life. Driving to work every day before a shift, I felt as though I was going to vomit. Life is entirely way too short to spend doing something that physically makes you ill just at the thought of doing it. True, I am not 100% satisfied with my job at present. But I can say that I manage to make it through a shift most nights without feeling like I am going to have a nervous breakdown from all of the stress. My night shift work family are more than likely the most amazing example of a team anyone could ever ask to see. Not to mention, most of my patients (I use the term most very loosely here) are typically asleep throughout the shift. I get the occasional call for pain meds, or the dementia patient that keeps me on my toes, but typically I am able to maintain pretty well on night shift.
Onto the part that I am supposed to be sad about. The divorce. Honestly, this was the best decision that either of us has made for each other in years. We were great friends and still do care deeply for each other, however, the honeymoon was over a long time ago and there was irreparable damage done throughout the years that we just never recovered from. Since our decision, I have had a life awakening like none other I have experienced. I've discovered that there is no such thing as a right or wrong way to live your life. So what if I am 30 and have no children? Do I want children? Maybe one day, but what would be so wrong about having none? What if I chose that I wanted to spend the rest of my life traveling and enjoying whatever makes me happy in the moment? That's the part that scares most people. The unknown. Call me crazy but the unknown intrigues me. I love the idea that I have no clue what my life will look like in 5 years. My ideal day would be to wake up and decide, "hey, I'm off for a few days, let me just take a trip today" get in my car and just drive until I found somewhere that looked interesting and then explore it. The only true thing I know that I do want in my life is someone to share it with. I crave the feeling of excitement you get when you just can't wait to see someone. When the thought of their eyes makes you want to know everything about them. I know I am ridiculous and I shouldn't already be thinking about all of that, but I do. I am deep down a hopeless romantic. I feel that if not for those amazing experiences and feelings, what is the point of living at all. So what if I get my heart broken? It happens to people every day. If that does happen, I will just do what I always have done and pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on moving. Life goes on regardless of how sad someone might make you feel. And that's ok. That's the beauty of living. I could be dead in a year, how would I feel looking back on my life and saying "I really should have spent less time with that guy because it was 'the responsible' thing to do". Screw that! I say that for the rest of my life I will always do whatever my gut tells me to do. I will do so with no regard to what is "appropriate" or what is "acceptable". I will live in each moment that makes me feel happy. Who cares what happens in a week, a month, a year, or a decade? We aren't promised anything with regard to time, so why not try and bleed dry every single moment we have of all of the possible happiness it possesses? That's what I plan to do. And likely the only plan I will be making any time soon.
MISSION FOR 2012/2013? Do exactly whatever in the hell I feel happy doing. Nothing more, nothing less.
